Teaching Emotional Regulation to Kids
Does your child struggle with handling big feelings? Expressing themselves and labelling what they’re feeling? A lot of parents wonder what goes into a child’s ability to regulate their emotions and how to best support them in learning this skill.
Imagine the last time you felt truly anxious….. that feeling can be overwhelming even for an adult. Now imagine that same feeling of anxiety in a little body and imagine not fully understanding what the feeling is or why you feel that way. It would be pretty scary, right? This is what can happen for our little ones.
Generally, a child’s ability to self-regulate is a blend of temperament, personality and environment – nature and nurture. Whether your child has a temperament that is calm, sensitive, or feisty, it’s part of the parent’s job to help teach them to manage big emotions.
From our perspective at INDIGROW Psychology, we advocate for parents to start supporting kids to identify, label, express, and regulate their emotions from an early age. Start early and start at home. We view all behavior as a form of communication, so that big meltdown your child had yesterday might very well be their way of saying “I don’t know what that feeling was, but it was big and it was scary and I didn’t know what to do with it”.
So, how do we help teach our kids about their emotions and how to self-regulate? Here’s some tips and tricks we’ve learned along the way:
Feelings Chart
It can help kids to have something to refer to when trying to label their emotions. Many families find it helpful to have a feelings chart posted on the fridge for all family members to refer to when they’re having big feelings. When parents model using the feelings chart, it becomes easier for kids to use it too. For example, “Wow, mommy is feeling really tired today…look, my face kind of looks like the tired face on our feelings chart today, doesn’t it?”
Linking Feelings to Body Sensations
Our body always gives us clues as to what we’re feeling, and kids don’t know how to link their body sensations to their feelings unless they’re taught.
You can teach this to your child through modelling or observing what your child’s body is trying to tell them. For example “I’m feeling frustrated, I can tell because my eyebrows are furrowing and because my tummy feels tight and hot” - or - “I can tell you’re sad right now because you’re crying. Can I sit with you?”.
Co-Regulate Before Expecting Your Child to Self-Regulate
Like we mentioned, big feelings can be scary for your child at first, and it can be very helpful for kids to know that they’re not alone in their big feelings. It’s helpful for parents to sit with their child and co-regulate them using some practical coping skills before expecting their child to use those coping skills on their own. This can look many different ways, but here’s a quick example. “Wow, I can see you’re feeling really worried. I can tell because you look a bit scared and you’re crying. Are you feeling worried? It’s okay to feel worried, daddy is going to stay with you to help you. Let’s take some big belly breaths together.”
Coping Skills
Teach your child some practical, hands-on coping skills that they can do when they’re having big feelings. There are so many to choose from, but the goal is to have them calm and ground their bodies so their mind can be calm also. Here are a few quick suggestions for coping skills you might want to try with your kiddo:
Belly breathing
Fidget toys
Yoga
Drawing or journaling their feelings
*Note – it can be helpful to draw or write out some of these coping skills so your child can have them on-hand for quick reference as it can be hard to remember the skills when they’re feeling escalated.
Reach out to us at INDIGROW for more suggestions tailored specifically to your child through one of our parent support sessions!
Calming Corner
It can be helpful for parents to work with their kids to create a calming corner in the house. Rules of thumb for a calming corner are that it’s comfortable, it has access to different sensory tools (fidgets, fuzzy pillows or blankets, favorite stuffies, etc), and that it has calm lighting. This is a special spot in the home that’s just for your child and they can use it when they’re needing to calm their bodies and minds down.
Check out Action for Healthy Kids or He’s Extraordinary for some great inspiration for creating a calming corner with your child.
Boundaries
While we want our children to freely express all of their feelings, there are often boundaries needed around what that expression looks like. We can’t always control how we feel and all feelings are valid, but we can control what we do with our feelings. Here’s an example of boundaries around feelings expression – “I see you’re angry. You’re allowed to be angry and I want to sit with you in it, but you are not allowed to hit or hurt others.”
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We wish you all the best as you continue on your journey of teaching your child about their emotions and how to regulate them. We’re here for a free consult or parent support session anytime you need!
The Indigrow Team
